What We Watched 3/25 📼

Not sure what to watch? He're our weekly recap of what we streamed! PLUS whitch Bijou Candle we burned while watching!

1. Road House on Prime

OMG LOLOLOLOLOLOL JAKE!!!!!! Not our beloved October Sky! He looks like Donnie Darko ate current Zac Efron! Ok for those of you who aren’t aware, this is a remake of the 1989 Patrick Swayze (BIG RIP) film of the same name and concept I guess (whatever the concept is). Actually let me see if I can explain the concept. Here it goes… Jake Gyllenhaal is a guy with big muscles, an unexpectedly high-pitched voice, and a chip on his shoulder. He goes to some motorcycle/fight(??) bar and people recognize him. Post Malone, who is there fighting (what on earth already), refuses to fight Jake (I’m assuming he’s a fan of Love and Other Drugs). Then someone stabs Jake and Jake leaves to go get his first aid kit (matches and duct tape) from his perfectly beat up ~$80k muscle car. Then Jessica Williams comes out (remember her from The Daily Show and 2 Dope Queens? - I was glad to see her) and is like I can pay you $5k/month to come protect my bar in the Florida Keys (not a place called Kokomo) (also a millennial owning a bar in Florida? LOL already). Ummmmmm where can I sign up??? What a gig! Does she offer dental?? Anyway after some hullabaloo Jake takes the bus to the beautiful Florida keys and just like walks to the Road House with his tackle box and Marshalls suitcase without breaking a sweat. A quick little side note - have you noticed that movies like this seem more and more fantastical? What I mean is, as real life in the US grows harder and harder for everyday people, it’s interesting to see movies like this fail to keep up with the reality we all live in. None of these scenarios are remotely realistic. And I GET that it’s a movie and it’s supposed to be over the top yada yada. But these places are so beyond reality they may as well be in Arrakis. You can’t show me a FLORIDA BIKER BAR where every patron has a full set of veneers, is below retirement age, has zero racist undertones, and expect us to buy it. Even the Fast & Furious movies are more believable and somehow LESS homoerotic. And don’t even get me started on the Conor McGregor of it all. Why did they think that a known abuser and asshole is exactly what we wanted to see? We have strayed so far from Patrick Swayze’s light.

Candle Pairing: Pair with the Mariah • Santal Champagne Candle

2. The Godfather I & II on Paramount+

Lol at this whole concept first of all. So what had happened was, my parents were in town and we were discussing mafia stuff when I so bravely admitted that I had never seen the Godfather movies. Jocelyn supposed that it’s because I never had a boyfriend - that feels correct. So we decided we would spend our rainy Saturday family time watching #1 & 2 (word on the street is that 3 is bad). The last thing you need is to read this random candle lesbian’s review of THE GODFATHER over 40 years after the fact, so I will keep this TIGHT. In my HUMBLE OPINION #1 is a masterpiece. Great, no breaking news there. I liked #2 but preferred #1. These movies just reinforced my lifelong disdain for Al Pacino, so it makes sense that #2 was inferior to me. But my MAIN takeaway from these movies, having watched them on 3/23/2024, is that Donal Trimp, yes, THAT Donal Trimp, has based HIS ENTIRE personality on these movies. You know those guys who will make something like Scarface or anime or gym their whole personality? Well I GUARANTEE you that DJT saw Marlon Brando’s stuffed shells in 1972 (Donal would have been 26 at the time - perfect for my theory) and was like “I WANP POO BE VITO CORLEONE” and then proceeded to do exactly that and now here we are. THANKS A LOT FRANCIS!

Candle Pairing: Pair with the Elvira • Poison Apple Candle

3. Physical 100 Season 2 on Netflix

It’s no surprise that this show is on here. I’m pretty sure I wrote about season 1 upon its release. I just needed to bring it up again to make one urgent suggestion - watch this show DUBBED. We watched season 1 undubbed, aka we read the whole time, which I’m not normally opposed to. I usually use the subtitles with the absolutely unbelievable hope that I will magically speak whatever language by the end of the series. And for other shows/movies that are more of a narrative, I will continue to do so. However, Physical 100 has become my one exception. I actually INSIST on watching this show dubbed because the voice acting is SO F*CKING FUNNY. The whole thing is basically voice overs saying things like “wow he’s so hot” or “his muscles are huge!” Really riveting stuff! No but seriously, there’s nothing funnier to me than 2 Adonises fighting to the death (not really) while the voiceover is just like some American actress in her soundproof closet being like “Wow he’s a beast!”

Candle Pairing: Pair with the Michele • Cherry Blossom Dream Candle